God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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