Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
