someone owes me an orgasm
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
