i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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