I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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