I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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