Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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