I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
