her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize