i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
