Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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