Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
