So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
