I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
