You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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