you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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