it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
is that a dick in a sweater?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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