You're my little dorito
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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