How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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