I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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