All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
