she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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