I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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