no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
