I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
