You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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