Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
