So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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