When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
