I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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