sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
