i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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