Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Found your dick twin last night
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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