Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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