i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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