he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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