I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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