what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
