is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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