Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
