first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize