he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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