he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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