Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
