does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
