I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
