he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
