I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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