this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
