Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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