you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
