Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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