Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
