This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
