oh god the rape fog is back!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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