This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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