just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
