I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
