Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
