i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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