I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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