I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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