Moan for me like Helen Keller
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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