...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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