don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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