what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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