I should be sponsored by Trojan
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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