yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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